The Imperial Freestyle Sidewhiskers Challenge 2006
Winning by a whisker is the British way
- but not by the hair of our chinny chin chins
Be Proud - Great Britain was and is Athens NOT Sparta
What we believe
The committee by a process of debate and resolution, hold these truths to be self-evident:
1. Anti-gravity machines are, on reflection unlikely to be viable.
2. There is a small chance that beta-max video recorders will make a come back.
3. Fine words butter no parsnips.
4. The celestial body Pluto, formerly known as a planet, is manifestly a celestial projection of Tony Blair's ego and should not be trusted.
5. Basil Liddell Hart, historian and military strategist is one of Britain's most under-rated hero's.
6. The memory of Edward Hallet Carr, arch appeaser of both Hitler in the 30's and Stalin in the 40's should be allowed to live on only in a rogues' gallery of British misanthropists.
7. Zurich insurance, a Swiss-based company should not have been allowed to use the name of our greatest Prime Minister for its direct Insurance arm. We would suggest returning the insult by re-naming our Swiss-roll using the name of their greatest Prime Minister, except we're not sure they've ever had one.
8. "National Geographic" magazine has a noteable anti-British bias, and should not be regarded as a reputable Scientific journal.
9. There is a risk that the "Googleplex" computer centres in Dalles, Oregon, and Atlanta, Georgia, owned by Google and now storing most of the sum total of human knowledge will become self-aware within the next 3 years. The committee was however divided as to the question of whether these Google "power plants" ARE Skynet.
10. Cement production is responsible for 9% of man-made global CO2 emissions. The use of lime mortar as an alternative would drastically reduce this.
11. The continued existence of a unified, grateful, Belgium should be the top priority of us all.
12. The only good glis glis is a dead glis glis.
For now The Time of Gifts is gone
-O boys that grow, O snows that melt
O bathos that the years must fill
Here is dull earth to build upon
Undecorated; we have reached
Twelfth Night or what you will......you will.
14. And the anthracite statues of the horses sleep in the fields, and the cows in the byres, and the dogs in the wetnosed yards....
15. Charity begins at home.
16. The Chinese economic miracle is being bought at the expense of The Rights Of Man in China. The human spirit cannot flower there. The "economic miracle" will not last, and the marxist appeasers at the BBC should say so.